Marriage Check-Up

 by Sally Ratterman Connolly, LMFT and John e. Turner, LMFT

Questionnaire to Assess Your Marriage

Use this questionnaire to assess your marriage on a regular basis to see if you are on the right track.

Sometimes couples can get off track without even recognizing it. This questionnaire will give you some idea for what to “tweak” or talk over with your partner.

Answer each question with a Y, “yes” or N “no”.

    1. We touch each other with love during each day.

    2.  We do not let small issues escalate into bigger ones. 

    3.  My spouse and I generally know what is happening in each other‘s life. 

    4. Neither I nor my spouse are often irritable or in a bad mood.

    5. We can control our temper, take a time out, if necessary, and work through   disagreements in healthy ways.

    6.  We laugh together and are generally in a good mood. 

    7. We regularly find time to be together and, when we do, we enjoy each other’s company.

    8. When we disagree, we find ways to “repair the damage” to our relationship.

    9. Neither of us would describe ourselves as feeling lonely.

   10. My spouse and I both respect and feel respected in this marriage.

   11. There is a lot more positive than negative in our relationship.

   12. We do not keep secrets from each other.

   13. We are “friends” on face book, have access to each other’s email and cell phones, but really feel no need to check up on each other. Neither one of us has given the other reason to lose trust.

   14. We would agree that there is a lot to be grateful for in our lives.

   15. While there has been a lot of stress in our lives lately we have worked through it together and would both describe our relationship as stronger.

   16. We connect, we rarely feel like two ships just passing in the night.

   17. We are emotionally present for each other.

   18. When we talk with our friends about each other, 90% of it is only positive, not complaints.

   19. While we know that some problems may never have a solution, neither of us feels like we just have not resolved an issue very often.

Scoring to Assess Your Marriage

If you have checked N “no” to more than 4 of these questions, you and your spouse should gently talk about the state of your marriage and how you might get it in a better spot.

If problems are allowed to hang around then they can grow and multiply. With time, loneliness and distance become frequent feelings and marriages experience even bigger problems.

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