Falling Back In Love
Sally Connolly, LMFT and John E. Turner, LMFT
“I love him but I am not in love with him.”
“We seem to have lost that spark and I do not have those same feelings for her any more.”
“We seem to be just roommates … and have lost the good feelings that we once had.”
Those are words … and feelings … that go through the minds and hearts of almost all of those who are involved in long-term relationships. It is rare for both partners in a couple to have those same warm and connected feelings all of the time. And, yes, it is possible to fall back in love with your spouse.
Sometimes, hearing those words from a spouse can mean an affair …either emotionally or sexually. An attraction to someone else brings excitement and a marital partner generally cannot measure up to the thrill of newness and the thrill of risk and secrecy. If infidelity is the issue, the challenges are much more complex and require stepping away from the affair before feelings of being in love can even begin to return. Much of the time; however, with some space and a change in thinking and acting, people can fall back in love.
|Often feeling and thoughts of falling out of love; however, are more about
taking each other for granted, devoting more time to career, children,
social lives or other activities that prevent prioritizing the marriage
and nurturing the couple relationship. When partners do not nurture
their relationship, they tend to become distant and feel more lonely and
isolated and maybe even that they have fallen out of love.|
Some will decide that this is reason enough for a divorce. One research study, however, noted that couples who do stay together and find a way to bring their marriage back to life, report happiness 5 years later with appreciation for having found a way to stay together even though, at one time they acknowledge feeling as if they had fallen out of love.
Falling Back in LoveSo …
How do you try to bring those feelings back? How do you fall back in love? It certainly helps if more than one of you are working on this, however, even one person can make a difference in the relationship. Here are a few ideas to help you begin to turn things around and fall back in love.
Do you have other ideas for things that you have done that worked for
you, leading you to fall back in love with your spouse? What have others done to fall back in love or reignitte those old feelings? If so … please visit our blog and
share those ideas with others.